It was on Beltane, May day, your due date. I was never a believer of "due dates" and whenever people asked when you were due, I told them springtime.
Yet, you came earthside on such a beautiful, warm day. The trees were just starting to blossom with little buds. I could feel the twinge of labor coming on, slowly and lightly. I told my dear partner, Jesse, that it was time, and we drove to a friend's farm.
When we arrived, I was just in the mood to take a slow amble around the farm. We walked on a tiny dirt path through the tall grass to a little pond surrounded by huge trees and flowers. The contractions slowed down. I guess the rocking sensation of walking relaxed you. We slept outside on the grass under a tree for most of the afternoon.
I woke up with the urge to go take a warm bath. Jesse and I got into the bathtub and I felt so relaxed...and then the contractions started rushing in with gusto. Blood was coming out in little bits. Jesse told the midwives that things were really progressing. They got on their way, and we filled up the big blue birthing tub outside on the grass. I absolutely loved the smell of fresh grass and watched two little spring robins play around.
The rushes became stronger and stronger. Soon, I lost nearly all my sense of control and just let go. I let the sounds inside of me out. I moved around madly with every pang of contraction. Our midwives came outside to check on your heartbeat once in every while. They were completely silent and stayed inside most of the time. It was starting to get dark and cold outside. I asked my midwife when she came outside, "When will I know how or when to push?" She smiled and said that my body would do it for me, and that you and I would work together.
Not very long after that, I decided to head into the bathroom with Jesse. I took a few sips of water, and with three ABSOLUTELY overwhelming contractions, I yelled and felt like I was about to throw up. I felt like I was being turned inside out. There was absolutely no holding back. You came so FAST. I was standing up. Jesse could see the intact water bag come out first, your head twisting out. The bag broke and you slid right out, in your father's hands.
Jesse immediately gave you to me. You quickly raised your arm towards me, your fingers spread out, touching my heart.
And then I realized that your birth was unhindered and beautiful. The way women in so many cultures have done it for centuries. I felt so empowered, strong.
And the rain immediately started pouring outside.
~~~~~~Thank you Marisa for sharing your birth story and for sharing that beautiful day with me!
06 August 2010
I havent posted in quite some time. I have been busy! Busy being a mama. Busy working. Busy coming and going to and from prenatals and postpartum appointments. Busy with my studies. I am a couple short weeks from making my first submission. I am anxiously awaiting feedback from my orientation submission! Things are moving along nicely.
I have managed to finish two study related books in the last week! This is some feat as I have a two year running around at almost all times!
Lennon and I have had some beautious babies born recently. Witnessing the strength of mothers and babies during birth is amazing and sweet! I come away from each birth experience richer and fuller by having witnessed it.
I have been thinking more and more about how one knows she is ready to be on her own as a midwife. To all you experienced midwives out there, how did you know? Did you just make the leap? What was it like for you? I would love to hear your experiences!
I know that I trust the process of birth completely. And I am confident in my ability to assess for any deviations from the norm that might occur during the process.....But how do you know if you are really ready?
I feel like I need to more fully trust my actual ability just as I wholeheartedly trust my intuition...I think this all has to do with my education actually. I find it difficult to fully trust the skills and information I learned in nursing school as I tend to disagree with the implementation of those skills and/or information within that school of thought and mode of practice....Did nursing school help or hinder? Sometimes I wonder.